19.04.2011
HAPPY 30th MONTH-NIVERSARY ♥

How fast time flew by... without noticing, it has already been 2 & 1/2 years. Sure we have had our quarrels and unhappy moments, but we have overcome it all. And I believed that that has made our LOVE even stronger... and our commitment to each other stronger.

And I believe if we walk together, we can walk together hand-in-hand till we turn old, till our hairs turn white...

Last but not least, I know I don't say this all the time, even when I know I should but -
I LOVE U, BABES. I REALLY DO... =) Happy 30th.

"The Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

The date was 2nd April, 2011 (a Sunday). I attended Mass with Charmaine today. Coincidentally, it was a period of time, when I was going through some turmoil & uncertainty...

I had just recently got a new job offer during reservist, which by no doubt, is definitely a good thing that happened in the least expected way. However there is still the uncertainty as to whether I can get through the HR Department's screening & interview stages... as well as whether you really made the correct career switch? And it's just so coincidental that here I was, looking for a job... and there it is, someone offering me a new, interesting job. I have to quote a phrase from LTA Shaun (my reservist friend), "It's as though the stars have aligned." So now, all my fingers are crossed~!

Next, is something I always sorta dream of but never really expected to happen in real-life - becoming a Model. It all started when I was queuing in front of the ATM machine to draw some cash after walking about @ NEX Shopping Center, getting dinner & bubble tea before heading over to Charmaine's house. Just then before it was gonna be my turn next, I was approached by two "model scouts" who have apparently stood at one corner, observing me. Of course, at first I was thinking to myself, this must be some kind of scam... but thinking back, this wasn't the first time I've been approached by model scouts in a shopping mall. So I decided to give it a try & hear what they have to say.

Anyway, one thing led to another, they gave me one of their name cards & we exchanged contacts. And by the next weekend, I received their call, asking me to come down to their office for a casting. I went after much consideration - thinking to myself, even if I don't make it big as a model, at the very least, I will have gained some experience about modelling, or learn a new thing or two about better presenting myself to others. Most importantly, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone & try out new things in my life. I don't wanna leave a blank page in the chapters of my Life (this has become my new motto in Life)...

So I went down, filled out a particulars form, walked my first ever walkway, had a short "interview" session with one of their models, and agreed to their model grooming class over a period of 7 weeks, all within two hours in the same Saturday afternoon...

The problem was: all these happened so quickly (& out of the blue), that I couldn't come to terms with it. To tell the truth, I never thought I would (or could) make it one day, as a model. I don't know what ever did the model scouts saw in me, thinking I could even make it as a model... I was never totally 100% comfortable with my looks, especially my smile. And right now, after going through all these, I even beginning to doubt my self-worth, and whether I was being a "toad lusting after the swan's meat".

That is why, it's time like these when I start to question myself & undergo a stage of inner turmoil & uncertainty.

But somehow, it's during times like these, that God somehow works his magic & answers your prayers. The scripture reading this Sunday was 1 Samuel 16: "David Anointed King". The story was that the Lord has sent Samuel to anoint the King of Israel, choosing him amongst one of Jesse's eight sons. The story goes as the Lord sending Samuel to Jesse. When Samuel arrived, he caught sight of Eliab (one of Jesse's son) and thought, "Surely the Lord's anointed is before him". But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." And so one after the other, Jesse presented his seven sons to Samuel, but Samuel said to Jesse, "The Lord has not chosen these." He then asked Jesse, "Are these all the sons that you have?" He answered, "There is still one left, the youngest; he is out looking after the sheep." Then Samuel said to Jesse, "Send for him; we shall not sit down to eat until he comes." Jesse had him sent for. Soon, a boy of fresh complexion, with fine eyes and pleasant bearing came before them. Just then, The Lord said, "Come, anoint him, for this is the one." At this, Samuel took the horn of oil & anointed him where he stood with his brothers; and the spirit of the Lord seized on David & stayed with him from that day on.

Having heard this reading, my worries & concerns were somehow lifted from me. I was as though I was enlightened. I came to realise that what you're worth shouldn't be based on looks & appearances, but what's within you - the heart. And so, I shouldn't doubt my self-worth, for everyone was made to do great things. However the choice of whether you are doing great things, come from you alone. Life is all about making choices. No one can force you. Opportunities can be presented onto you, but you have to be the one who steps forward & seize it.

At the end of the day, I think I should be glad that I did all these. Because I knew that I would certainly regret it in the future, if I didn't force myself to go through all these... to have this one chance to expose myself to the more new experiences in Life.

Today is the 4th of April, 2011...

Tomorrow is 清明节 (Qingming Festival), according to one of my aunties. Seriously, I don't know all these traditional dates & stuffs though I feel that as part of being Chinese, we should take note if not know at all when these important dates are (if only there was a easier way of remembering or counting these days).

Anyway, nearing this time of the year, our family will gather together and go pay our respects to my late-grandmother at the temple where she's rested. There will be my grandfather, my uncles and aunties, as well as one of my cousins going down together to pay their respects. Taking this chance, this will always be some sort of a gathering since Chinese New Year...

As usual (and fortunately), my smallest auntie will fetch me to the temple from my place. And today because we were pretty early, we managed to get a parking space along the road outside the temple. But I can't say the same for my other two uncles who came later, as the place soon became very packed.

But so it was, one after the other, my aunties & uncles including my grandpa eventually arrived. We then laid out the tea, fruits, food, hell notes (the usual stuffs) that were to be offered to my late-grandma. My grandpa, aunties and uncles will then pay their respects and offer their joss sticks to the Deity. And in between these sessions of paying respect and offering joss sticks, we always gather around & chit chat, with my grandpa sitting & resting beside on the chair (He has difficulty walking and standing, due to his weakening legs).

And so in times like this, the warm sunny morning covered with smokes from the burning joss sticks, as I stood amongst my aunties & uncles during their conversation, looking at each of them. I couldn't help but noticed how much my aunties and uncles have aged over the years. Their greying hair, their looks of tiredness from the hectic of lives, their aged & wrinkled expressions. How time has left its passing mark on them, as it slips away from each and every of us bit by bit. Suddenly I recalled the days when my once-young aunties and uncles used to play with me when I was a small kid. How they took care of me when I was younger, before each of them got married and had their own family & kids.

And then it also dawned upon me that I was no longer that kid they used to play with. I was getting old too. I will soon be approaching 30 in a couple years' time. I will soon be getting married myself and starting my own family. Just like that, the harsh reality of Life smacks you right in your face... That's how real Life can get. That's how harsh Life can be. Life doesn't cut corners for anybody. One moment you're still in kindergarten, the next you're in the Army, and before you know it, you've graduated from the university and thrown into the workforce. That's how fast Life can steal time away from you, without you paying attention.

And so you think to yourself, what have you done all these while?

Have you been living your Life? Or has Life been living you?

~.~ A Self-reflecting me, someone seeking answers ~.~